I am currently preparing to embark on a 16 hour journey from Hong Kong to New York City. I am seriously dreading the thought of me sitting on this plane for 16 hours, but hopefully it will pass quickly. I really can’t imagine how I would feel if I was in coach. Even though I am not excited for the flight, I am in a relatively good mood, and the Cuban in me is very eager to reach US soil. The TV just turned on so I’m going to watch some Larry David and I will let you know how my flight goes!
It has been about one hour since takeoff. I am currently seated with unpopped ear drums, sipping red wine, and not giving a fuckkk. I am so bored it’s insane. I think more about the flight and I just don’t get the trend: all asian airlines serve garlic bread with every meal, like no! There is literally no benefit to it because it just makes the cabin smell and gives people bad breath. The only thing I can think of is that they just want the passengers to shut up!
The plane suddenly goes from stabilized cruise ship to jet ski on rough water. I am going to die. I find my seat going from lay flat to original position and I am crying (literally) while in “brace position”. Let me be straight right now, I have NEVER cried on a plane.
CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT!!! I am honestly very scared that I will not make it to hour 16. Think of riding a Vespa at 60 miles per hour over 800 speed humps then multiply that feeling by 100. Yes, that is how I feel. My wine just spilled and my birkin is currently on the floor.
After 30 minutes of treterous flight conditions, my birkin is safe and I am alive. Since the incident I have peed twice and made it to 2048. I feel like I should sleep as it is 11pm in Asia, but I will not be jet lagged for my birthday tomorrow, so I’m going to stay awake for the flight. I really wish they had WiFi on this plane. It is the only plane in the world that doesn’t have WiFi and I feel like a peasant. I need to check insta and online shop.
I refuse to fall asleep and I will not have jet lag. For the last 3 hours I have played one game of monopoly and finished the movie Blended which is so good…legit the funniest tear-jerker ever. There are 8 hours and 34 minutes left on my flight, and I am actually about to pass out: and not the good kind like when you just shopped for 4 new Manolos and 2 Louboutins. This type of pass out is the “I’m on a water diet and watching Netflix in bed to conserve energy”. Ya, not how I want to spend my days. I’m currently debating whether or not to chug a can of diet coke for caffeine. Maybe a glass of Dom will do.
I opted for the diet coke. For the past two hours I watched Salt which passed time very quickly…it felt like 30 minutes. After the movie, I go to the bathroom, and see something awful in the mirror. My eyes are so red, it looks like I smoked an ounce of weed. Now I get why it’s called a “red eye”. Being awake for this long while seated is awful….DON’T TRY IT….EVER. My brain feels like it’s shrinking and my eyes are going to pop at any moment. The hunger is approaching.
Fuck. I just woke up.
We are about to land and I am wide awake. I love knowing that I’ll be jet lagged for my birthday tomorrow. Thanks Asia xx