So being cut off definitely has it’s benefits. First off, I don’t buy as much food so I’ve lost 4 pounds. #BikiniBod Also, now that I don’t have money to buy shoes I have to wear my old Louboutins, and vintage is very cool now. But honestly, being cut off kind of sucks. Life is so much easier with a limitless amount of money. Yes, I’m saying that money buys happiness. People that say it doesn’t have always been poor, that’s just the truth.
So what do I do with my days now that my net worth is $31? I free load. Yes, I am a free loader now. I free load off men at bars, off my friends’ uber accounts, off my promoter’s brunches and dinners. It’s kind of ratchet, but it’s fun at the same time. We get all these perks but don’t have to pay for them.
Since being cut off I have gone clubbing twice. The first night a man, named Ken, decided I was his Barbie and bought me 10,000 drinks at a bar where I was getting free drinks anyways, but carpe diem. After talking to him for a bit he told me he knows I love to party, and I agreed, so the obvious next step was to hand me cocaine. Okay. I had to ask what he had placed in my hand. Apparently I’m getting free coke too…I guess that happens when you get cut off. Clearly I returned it to him because I’m not cut off AND ghetto. And rehab is so 90s and not chic.
Last night was a whole different story though because initially we were not treated like VIPs (which we always are) until later in the night. We started at a club in Chelsea. First, let me just preface this by telling you it was raining. So of course everyone is waiting all huddled together anxious to get in to the club. We start by waiting in the promoter line, but quickly realize the bouncers don’t care about the promoters, so we head to the normal line and walk in immidiately.
Once we’re in nobody offers us a drink, which is very unusual. So we roam a bit planning our decent into free alcohol heaven. After a few minutes a man approaches my friend asking her if she wants to come to the DJ booth. JACKPOT!!! We grace ourselves into the sacred area and begin to discover our mojo again. What awaits us in there are endless bottles of Dom, Patron, and many cute men. The guys we were with in the booth were short and jewish which made it all more fun as I love partying with Jews. This is because they know they are not going to get any, but are fine with it, and simply want to show the girls a good time in the club. And let me tell you, we had so much fun with them.
Eventually it was time to pass our drinks along to the next single gal and head home, but it was totally a night to remember. And don’t let me forget to mention, it was all free. 😉
Shortie with a Short Stack